incandescens (incandescens) wrote in bleachness,

ED #23 AU Fic-a-Thon: downtown doggerel

(This was written in response to a prompt from ojuzu, due to, but I am being lazy and trying to get extra mileage out of it. I have no idea where it came from.)

There’s a rumour in the alleys that there’s something to be found,
That someone’s in deep hiding and that someone’s underground;
That bodies six feet under have begun to come to light
And that certain buried skeletons are now in public sight.

The Aizen Private Agency (Our Prices Are The Best)
Has all its ‘tecs out on the street, and cards close to its chest,
For something very valuable has recently gone walkabout
And all that Aizen says is that it’s something he won’t talk about.

The fresh-faced news reporters are all out investigating
(And then dodging frequent bullets from the gangsters who are waiting)
Hisagi Shuuhei told us it’s the biggest scoop in ages
And he plans to get the details and then put them on front pages.

Miss Unohana Retsu has informed us most politely
That she’s absolutely innocent of what may happen nightly
And her gracious home is known throughout the city for discreetness
And the pretty young maidservants with their meekness and their neatness.

When staggering on homewards Mr Kyouraku said
That’d he’d love to talk it over but he had to get to bed
For the ladies walking with him needed care and fond attention
(Though said ladies told us flatly that was something not to mention.)

The Famous Lone Detective, Ulquiorra Schiffer,
Was seen brooding in an alleyway on nothing in particular,
The notorious young Quincy, noted pool shark of the halls,
Had nothing that he’d say to us except for simply, “Balls.”

The local gangster populace is hanging round in mobs
And certain dubious gentlemen are taking dubious jobs.
The Grimmjow Gang is lurking and the Barragan Gang’s stalking,
And if they’ve any sense at all, the other gangs are walking.

The ladies at the nightclub all know absolutely nothing
For their heads are full of feathers and of cute and fuzzy stuffing
And Miss Yoruichi never heard of anyone improper
And does her number nightly with a smile that’s quite a topper.

(And as for certain rumours that you can get certain things
By talking to the ‘barman’ or the ladies three who sing,
We’re sure that is unfounded and they wouldn’t take such actions
And the guns are pure insurance for Miss Harribel and Fraccions.)

And as for all the guys and girls who’ve kept themselves off screen,
To dodge the roving cameras and keep their noses clean…
We’re sure of their involvement, for the sharks are out and biting,
And if there’s one thing sure in Bleach – it’s that there will be fighting.
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