papanchi (papanchi) wrote in bleachness,

ED 23 AU Fic-a-thon: Expertise

Author: papanchi
Title: Expertise
Rating: PG 13
Pairings: Past Ishi+Ulqui/Hime and mentioned Ichi/Hime
Warnings: Mild inappropriate language; Ishida and Orihime may be very out of character at times; Ishida calls Ulquiorra as "Schiffer" and not Cifer as a tease; Death of a character. (zomg who?!)
Summary: Ulquiorra needs Ishida and Orihime's assistance in gathering details for a murder case to give to Hisagi. Will things run as smoothly as expected?
Notes: I'm so sorry if the whole murder thing offends anyone and all. Thank you kiyala for the beta.
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, or the ED.

"Um, excuse me, Hi-Hisagi-san, sir." Hanatarou tried to get his attention off of the phone. "I have a-"

"Yeah, yeah. Hold on,” he said, apparently talking to someone else. Kira entered the room right after his conversation. "It'd better be good Kira, I'm a busy man, you know."

"There were these three girls who stole goods from Shiba's." Kira-san held up a file folder to Hisagi-san, "Two of them were identified as Hiyori and Mashiro. We've also found that they were Vizards. As for the third... she looked like a little girl with bluegreen hair."

"Hm.. Theft by two Vizards and a baby girl.. mm.." Hisagi said as he flipped through the file. "What kind of a story is that?! Bring me something that the people want. Get out of here."


"Get out, and bring me something actually worth while."

"Y-yes, sir!" Kira went to his desk to fumble through his papers.

"Ugh... what are we gonna do?" Hisagi muttered to himself.

Hanatarou looked around if there were anyone else were to come and talk to Hisagi before approaching him.

"Umm, Hisagi-san, um, I-uh..."

"Spit it out."

"I'm sorry!" He said, suddenly jittery, "Yamada Hanatarou reporting in, sir!!"

"...You don't have to shout, Yamada."

"Yes, sir!!"

Hisagi sighed, "So what did you bring me today?"

"Oh, a- um, somebody was looking for you while you out last night and told me to give you this when you came back, sir." He handed him yet another file folder, but it was much thicker than Kira's.

Hisagi read through it and Hanatarou saw his eyes bulge at the next page. He put the folder down and looked what was close to happy for the first time -without having to be drunk.

"Are you okay, Hisagi-san?!"

"Yamada." He looked at him "Who gave you this?"

"Huh? Oh! Some guy with black hair, white skin, big green eyes, and-um... tears. He didn't mention his name, sir."

"I see..."


"Give this to Hitsugaya." He gave the file back to him. "And come back here once you have. I have a job for you Yamada. I need you to work undercover at the Unohana Estate to gain some information for me. I'll explain the details later."

"H-huh?? What? But I-"

"We've just got our new headline! I always knew he'd come through. Should have given him more credit, that man... You'll be undercover as a servant at the Estate. No excuses!" He gave him a sly smile.


+ + +

The night before

+ + +

"See that guy with the glasses over there by the pool table? I heard that he was a some medical scientist at some big shot university, but was kicked out for unethical practice."

"Yeah right, Apache." Mila-Rose took a sip of her drink. "Well, I guess he could be a doctor. His looks says it all."

"Mhmm. 'Said that he was making drugs, poison-the works-and selling 'em to clients."

Mila-Rose wasn't that interested in Apache's story and it showed. "And now he's playing pool. Shocking. Why are you telling me this?"

"'Cause you asked, bitch."

"You're the bitch, dumb ass!"

"What was that shitface?!"

"Hey." The two looked to their side at the blonde bartender, "You fight, you leave my bar."

"Hmph." Apache mumbled in defeat. "Another round please."

"Look at 'em." Sun-Sun said, "The three on stage with the silicon boobs. Just the sight of 'em ticks me off."

"Jealous are we?" Teased Apache.

"Don't envy them." Harribel added. "Those three wouldn't survive a day by themselves. That's why they stay here and entertain ones who can. With a price, of course. I feel bad for them. Especially the young redhead."

"Huh?" Apache was dumbfounded.

Harribel gave her a look then set her eyes back to the three. "They're also the owner's personal entertainment, if you know what I mean."

The conversation ended there when a man in a coat sat down on the other end of the bar. He didn't order anything. He wore a coat, and no hat, and was wet from the rain.

"Well, well." A young man approached him from behind and leaned against the bar beside him. "It looks like Mr. Ulquiorra Schiffer has graced us with his presence this evening."

"Good evening, Ishida. As you already know, I am in need of your assistance." He said without turning.

"Assistance? That's very insulting, Schiffer." The boy pushed up his glasses. "I prefer to call it expertise."

"Call it what you want, boy." He paused. "Is she here yet?"

"Yeah, but she's still on stage. She'll be done in a few minutes." The two turned their heads to watch the show. "It's hard to believe she agreed to do this."

"She knows it's for a good cause."

"Is it?"

"Like it matters." He paused, "I spoke with Aizen earlier."

Uryuu snorted at his name. "What did the devil have on him?"

"Nothing, actually. He's not very interested in this case, it seems. Apparently it isn't very entertaining to him."

"That's just like him."

"Are you like him?"


"So you did your research?"

"I wouldn't even be here if I didn't, would I?"

"That's all I wanted to hear."

Ishida took a his seat. "Ukitake Juushirou; victim. Was shot in the chest last night. Estimated time of death was 2:15 AM. Before he was shot, he was attending a double date with the following: Kostubaki Sentarou, Kotetsu Kiyone, Ise Nanao, Yadoumaro Lisa and the suspect of murder, of course, who is in custody. All under questioning. The only witness was Unohana Retsu. She wouldn't speak about the incident to anyone outside her estate." He paused. "They're very good at keeping this information from the public."

"Not good enough for you, though. And soon everybody will know. So Kyouraku Shunsui is the man with the gun now?"

"Yes, the owner of this place. But due to his current position, he let Baraggan take over."

"I noticed."

"Poor guy, killed by his own friend."

"Well done, Ishida. I knew I could count on your... expertise."
"Yes, well, think of it as a thank you for our past case."

"You say that like we're friends."

"Can you get any colder? You really do have ice in your veins, you know. What's so wrong about having me as a friend?"


"Oh, I see."

"Sometimes I forget that you're just a boy."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Applause filled the room then. "Hm?"

"Looks like the show ended."

"You just avoided my-."

"Let's go."
Ulquiorra left his seat and headed towards the backstage with Ishida reluctantly following. Unfortunately for them, there was a guard at Orihime's door.

"I'm afraid you can't enter, sir."

"I'm her boyfriend, sir. I think she's expecting me." Ishida told the man.

"She never mentioned any boyfriend, sorry."

"But she told me to come after the performance, sir. I'd hate for her to get angry with me."

The guard looked at the two men in front of him and knocked on the door. "Orihime-san, there's this boy who says he's your boyfriend out here. He's got a friend, too."

There was a muffled sound from the room. "Oh, yes! Please let them in! I forgot to mention them to you, I'm sorry!"

The guard opened the door without a word to the both of them.

"Boyfriend, huh? Which one of you said that?" said the girl who was powdering herself in front of a mirror with blinding lights. "Ulquiorra?"

"It was this boy who said that he was."

"It wasn't like I was lying." Ishida said.

"That's true. You just forgot about the ex part, right Uryuu?"

"Details, details..." Ishida sat down on the nearest seat he could find.

"Have you gathered any information?" Ulquiorra asked the girl.

"Besides that Baraggan is a walking dickhead, nothing that you don't already know, I'm afraid."

"I see."

"Are you going to inform Shuuhei soon?"

"Yes. I still need you to stay here in case anything comes to interest."

"How much is Schiffer paying you to do this?" Ishida asked.

She laughed "Very good question, Uryuu! Even I don't know the answer yet, myself."

"...On second thought, I don't want to know."

She laughed even harder now. Ishida gave Ulquiorra a hard look.

"What now, Schiffer?"

"That's all for tonight. I'll drop by Hisagi's and call it a day." He said as he headed for the door. "Coming, Ishida?"

"Yeah, yeah." He stood up from his seat and went to follow Ulquiorra when he found a photograph of a young man with insanely bright hair fall to the floor as he stood. "I see you're still with him, Inoue-san. Good for you." He followed Ulquiorra out.

"W-wait." She called out to Ishida, "You haven't called me that in ages..."

He stopped at the door. "Huh. I guess I haven't, have I?" He looked back at her with a look that was almost sad. "I just felt like calling you that, is all. Is that okay with you?"


"I wouldn't mind if it isn't."



"...You'll never forgive me, will you?" She shifted her eyes away then back to him.

Ishida looked at Ulquiorra, who was waiting for him outside. "No. Sorry." He walked away without another word and closed the door behind him, giving one last glance at the girl inside.

"Ishi... Ishida-kun."
+ + +

"Why did you do that?" Ulquiorra asked with no hint of emotion.

They were walking along the street, headed to the press office. Ishida knew what he was talking about and wasn't eager to answer.

"Does it matter? She asked a question, and I answered her honestly."

"And you say I'm the one with veins of ice."

"Look, Schiffer, it's got nothing to do with you."

"I see." Ulquiorra said. "You really are just a boy."


"I'll ask Hisagi if he could get any information from Unohana. We'll question people tomorrow about Shunsui."

"Fine by me. I thought you left the press business."

"I thought you were over Orihime, already."

Ishida was caught off guard at what he said and had enough of Ulquiorra. "I am. That doesn't mean I don't still care for her. You're just mad that she left you all alone in the rain for some orange-haired Shinigami, and can't even admit that you are. But, then again you do have veins of ice, so what would the rebound care if he wasn't good enough for her?" Ishida changed the subject before anything else could be said. "So how are you going to get that Hisagi guy to get to Unohana?"

There was a short silence before Ulquiorra answered him. "I'll let him worry about that. You never know with that man."

"How so?"

"He can be very unpredictable." He paused. "Believe me, that man will use drastic measures if he has to, just to gain the information he seeks. You could say that's his expertise."

"Well, whatever he'll do, it better be good."

"Ulquiorra Cifer. That's a name I'll never forget." 
a voice said from behind.

Both men turned to see who it was.

"Who're you?" Ishida asked nonchalantly.

"Long time no see," Ulquiorra with the same nonchalance. "Grimmjow Jaegerjaques."

+ + +

"Hanatarou, you will be wearing this from now on."

"B-but this is a maid's uniform! How come Sasakibe-san wears a butler's?"


"Yes, Unohana-sama?"

"You will be wearing this from now on."

"Y-yes, Unohana-sama... I'm sorry..."

(to be continued)
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