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15 November 2009 @ 07:39 pm
25 Ways to Annoy Byakuya [Fanfic-ish]  
Why is Bleachness so lifeless? Where are all the fanart-ers, essay-writers, character-discussers? =P Just a lil something to liven it up xD

Link to this on ff.net.



All of the below pranks will award you with atleast a haircut/clothes cut from Senbonzakura. A few might be fatal. Use at your own risk.
1. Invite him to a fish BBQ. Let slip that the fish was taken from his pond.
2. Tell Mayuri that Byakuya has requested him to use Senbonzakura in any Zanpaktou Experiment.
3. Turn his basement into an underground amusement park. Charge all costs to his bank account. (Or whatever system they have in Soul Society) Offer free rides for the children of Rukongai. If he tries to stop you, accuse him of standing in the way of charity.
4. Send Ishida to make Byakuya’s Shinigami robes “more fashionable”. Tell Ishida to sew on frills if he gets a chance. Allow him to add a cape too.
5. Address him as Bya-kun, Bya-chan, Bya-chin or Bya-Bya (or if you are more daring, simply Byakuya with no pref/suffixes).
6. Spread a rumour that Byakuya is in love with Renji/Kenpachi/Genryuusai-dono.
7. Tell him your mom’s only sister’s daughter’s only cousin has a cooler Zanpaktou than him. (Extra caution alert: Prepare to use Shunpo to get away in case Byakuya figures out it‘s you.)
8. Draw tiny pink hearts on all reports that you submit to him. (Dot your “i”’s with pink hearts for extra effects.) Blush if he asks you about it.
9. Kidnap Rukia and leave behind a note threatening to kill her unless he sends a shirtless photo of himself as ransom.
10. Publish the photo in Seireitei’s magazine if he complies.
11. Send him Hell-butterflies with random messages. (Examples include, “I’m hungry”, “I need to pee” and “There’s a green stain on the back of your robes”)
12. Replace his Head Chef with Inoue for a day.
13. Persuade his squad/staff to play Hopscotch when they should be on duty.
14. Persuade HIM to play Hopscotch when he’s on duty.
15. Beat him at it. Everytime.
16. Tie him up with the “Winding Binding Spell” and call in artists to paint portraits of him.
17. Blow one up and hang it in the middle of Seireitei.
18. Throw him a noisy Surprise Birthday party at his mansion. Have an incorrect number of candles on his cake. Let Yachiru sing songs all night long.
19. Don’t forget to invite Matsumoto and stack up on sake.
20. Mutter “Kuchiki Kuchiki” repeatedly every time he passes by. If he questions you about it, tell him you have an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
21. Bang on his bedroom door at dawn, very noisily. When he inquires what the racket is about, tell him his rooster died.
22. Dye his scarf pink. (For an extra thrill, draw yellow ducks on it)
23. Streak his hair pink, if possible, to match the scarf.
24. Interrupt his calligraphy classes to teach them Cursive Writing.
25. Kiss him. (Note: Hisana is the only one who seems to have gotten away with this.)

Share some of your own ideas xD
 
 
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(Anonymous) on November 15th, 2009 04:44 pm (UTC)
I love you. You're awesome. All of this would REALLY annoy the Sesshoumaru of this series.
selenityshiroiselenityshiroi on November 15th, 2009 04:51 pm (UTC)
I bet that Yachiru has done most of this list! She seems to have a fixation on doing things that should irritate Byakuya (who seems to have a surprising tolorance for it...)!

We know she gives his fish to Ukitake (cause she adores Ukitake) which is close enough to 1.

She's almost done 3 in canon since she holds the Shinigami Women's Association Meetings in his basement AND plays in his house whenever she wants.

I bet she does 5. All of them.

As for the rest 2, 6, 8, 11, 13, 14, 15, 18, 19, 21, 22, 23, 24 and 25 all seem pretty likely!
ayshariham on November 15th, 2009 04:54 pm (UTC)
Hahaha xD I was gonna make it a little like a story where Byakuya finds this list and learns that Yachiru has been passing it around, but I couldn't be bothered lol =D
_debbiechan_: Byakuya's Musical Glance by Distilled_debbiechan_ on November 15th, 2009 05:23 pm (UTC)

I was wrestling with LJ's stupid html cuts as you were posting this.

To annoy Bya-boy I would bop in the face in a very maternal way with my breasts the way Yoruichi-san does or...

I would show him the part in the Bleach bootleg where Kubo-sensei says he's not really as cold as he pretends to be. XD
aeri: kuchiki byakuyailuxe_love on November 15th, 2009 07:47 pm (UTC)
I think my favorite one was:

9. Kidnap Rukia and leave behind a note threatening to kill her unless he sends a shirtless photo of himself as ransom.

YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO, KUCHIKI BYAKUYA!

Of course, there's the obvious one: Ichigo invites himself over (to stay over for two months, no less!) and keeps dropping seemingly sexual innuendo concerning Byakuya's ever precious little sister Rukia. XD

Obviously our little innocent Ichigo would never do that, but it would be so funny if he did.
Anna: Bleach <3kookiety on November 15th, 2009 08:00 pm (UTC)
Heh. I'd like omakes of these.
Kidnap Rukia and leave behind a note threatening to kill her unless he sends a shirtless photo of himself as ransom.
Lol.
Erm, horribly late, but hey - for crack, I must try ^^


Declare 'Kenpachi pwns Byakuya in every single way' very, very loudly.

Wax poetic about how Byakuya's a delicate, naturally pink and sparkling uke.

Inquire if Senbonzakura can be borrowed to clip toenails.

Ask him when he was deflowered.

Tell him he's been a wonderful mother to Yachiru.

Whisper you know what he does with his scarf. You know. You knowwwwwww!

Try to slip money in his hakama while winking and leering.

Ask if he knows what Renji/Ichigo/Ishida and his sister do.
Ask if Rukia knows what Renji/Ichigo/Ishida do to him every single night.

Inquire about Renji's tattoos.

Tell him he's just as squishy as Kon is.

Make Ishida defeat Mayuri, scoop goopey Mayuri and leave him in Byakuya's care.
ayshariham on November 16th, 2009 03:39 pm (UTC)
Deflowered! I wonder what he would reply to that xD
Haha =D Poor Byakuya <33
Anna: Bleachkookiety on November 16th, 2009 04:34 pm (UTC)
Deflowered! I wonder what he would reply to that xD

Two words : Scatter Senbonzakura


Yup yup, Byakushi no like ^^
squishysushi on November 15th, 2009 10:25 pm (UTC)
ROFLMAO XD aha I needed this
yah senbestyah_senbest on November 16th, 2009 12:49 am (UTC)
oh man i rly need some of these in the anime shinigami-cup XDD
イボーン・クワン: ChibiByakwansan on November 16th, 2009 06:07 am (UTC)
9. Kidnap Rukia and leave behind a note threatening to kill her unless he sends a shirtless photo of himself as ransom.
Yes, please 8D

Some of these would make such great omakes XDDD